One of the brothers is going to lose the Super Bowl. I’m hoping it’s Jim. 

One of the brothers is going to lose the Super Bowl. I’m hoping it’s Jim. 

Super LOL XLVI: “Whatever, Super Bowl” by Emily Heller

(Leading up to Sunday, we asked a group of comedians to share their thoughts and insights on the big game. Next up is Emily Heller, a comedian, writer, protagonist, and celebrity Photoshop wizard who recently relocated to New York City.)

Whatever, Super Bowl

I’m a Bay Area native, but I lived in San Francisco for three years. I always tell people that my favorite San Francisco memory is the night the Giants won the World Series. San Francisco really isn’t a sports town, but it IS a big “positive vibes” “party in the street” “get drunk in public for any excuse” town. And that night was a blast. I made out with a dude on top of a car. I screamed “Suck my dick, Texas” at the top of my lungs about a hundred times - something I’d been wanting to do for a while, and sports made it happen! I was on board! We showed those dumb, George W.-loving jocks who the real dumb jocks were - us! Or something! It was a weird night in the best weird city in the country.

Now that the Giants are in the Super Bowl, I might have another chance to celebrate a victory in my new city, but I’m finding it real hard to give a shit, and I’m not sure why. It just wouldn’t be the same, I don’t think. Maybe I don’t wanna drink in the street with these lunatics. Maybe I don’t want to make out with any gruff Italian dudes on top of taxi cabs. But most likely it’s because New York doesn’t need another thing to be the center of the world about, you know? NYC already has and does everything. San Francisco needed that feather in its cap - it’s probably the only city in the country that would wear a hat with feathers in it anyway.

(Follow Emily on Twitter: @MrEmilyHeller. Follow Emily on Tumblr: Emily Heller Comedy. Join her mailing list here: Emily Heller Fanbridge. Check out her semi-weekly comedy showcase at the Sidewalk Cafe in NYC: The Afterlife.)

Go ahead & party like it’s 1995, Niners fans! You play next week for the chance to go to the Super Bowl

Go ahead & party like it’s 1995, Niners fans! You play next week for the chance to go to the Super Bowl

There is no doubt that Troy Smith has talent.  I mean, he is a Heisman Trophy winner.  But unfortunately at this point in his young career he has no room for error.  I don’t mean he can’t throw interceptions, I mean he can’t blow up on the sideline against the head coach.

Troy Smith is not a sought after prospect.  I think he really hurt his chances with future teams.  Who wants to bring this kind of mess into the huddle.  It would be one thing if he was lighting up the scoreboard.  If you’re mediocre at best, there is no room for this.

Who says the Arizona Cardinals can’t do anything right?  They successfully cracked Frank Gore’s hip in last night’s contest.
One had to expect that the news for Frankie Gore was not going to be any good.  Gore is about as tough as they come and he pulled himself out of the game last night in the first quarter.  It looks like the 49ers are going to have to try and win the crappiest division in sports without their star running back.
At least they have Old Man Westbrook to fill in. It’s not like Brian Westbrook is an injury risk too…

Who says the Arizona Cardinals can’t do anything right?  They successfully cracked Frank Gore’s hip in last night’s contest.

One had to expect that the news for Frankie Gore was not going to be any good.  Gore is about as tough as they come and he pulled himself out of the game last night in the first quarter.  It looks like the 49ers are going to have to try and win the crappiest division in sports without their star running back.

At least they have Old Man Westbrook to fill in. It’s not like Brian Westbrook is an injury risk too…

In a season where we’ve already seen LaDainian Tomlinson, Terrell Owens, and Michael Vick return to offensive relevance; why shouldn’t Brian Westbrook rush for 100 yards in a game?  There is still over ten minutes left in the fourth quarter and the ghost of Brian Westbrook has rushed for 135 yards a score. What else does Doc Brown have in store for us this season?
(Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

In a season where we’ve already seen LaDainian Tomlinson, Terrell Owens, and Michael Vick return to offensive relevance; why shouldn’t Brian Westbrook rush for 100 yards in a game? There is still over ten minutes left in the fourth quarter and the ghost of Brian Westbrook has rushed for 135 yards a score. What else does Doc Brown have in store for us this season?

(Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

thafreakness put it out there, now I am going to take it one step further.  There seems to be an equation here.
Under performing team + Packers blow out = Fired head coach
Well next up the Packers play the Falcons, we know Mike Smith’s job is safe.  But the following week the Pack play the 49ers.  If this game follows the trend Singletary better watch out.
Mike Singletary, you’re on notice!

thafreakness put it out there, now I am going to take it one step further. There seems to be an equation here.

Under performing team + Packers blow out = Fired head coach

Well next up the Packers play the Falcons, we know Mike Smith’s job is safe. But the following week the Pack play the 49ers. If this game follows the trend Singletary better watch out.

Mike Singletary, you’re on notice!

If the 49ers had been this feisty on Sunday they wouldn’t have gotten their asses kicked up and down the field by the Seahawks.

(Hot Wings And Beer)